It is with no shame at all that I entered the Temple of Masturbation, the haven of all self-pleasuring mavens, Toys in Babeland.
Claire Cavanah, co-founder of Toys in Babeland and co-author of the book Moregasm: Babeland's Guide to Mind-Blowing Sex, agreed to shed light on a few mysteries for me:
Masturbation is a way to get to know your own body and how you respond sexually to different sensations. Do you like clitoral or vaginal stimulation? Hard or light stimulation on your breasts? We become much better partners and lovers when we can communicate our desires. Sexy feelings can be acted on solo and when we give ourselves permission to feel pleasure, which our bodies are wired for, it only makes us better lovers when we’re with our partners. It’s about feeling comfortable in your own skin and enjoying the wonderful array of sensations we can experience.
It’s healthy for a woman to masturbate when she feels like it and I don’t think there’s any reason to compare with someone else or establish a baseline of what’s normal. No one should feel pressured but just go for your own experience.
As often as feels right to you! No more and no less. Making time to take care of your sexual needs is as important as eating right and exercising, though. This is an easy area to neglect. Orgasms have all sorts of benefits, from relieving stress and cramps to better sleep, so why not do it as often as possible?
A feeling of shame about their sexual desires or negativity about their bodies usually gets in the way of taking pleasure in masturbation, but there are many issues that can pop up when it comes to sex. Maybe you feel like exploring that, maybe you don’t. Letting go and giving yourself permission to fully experience pleasure is a joy and a gift.
Think of it as taking a vacation from negative self-talk. Create a place in your mind and in your bedroom, even if it’s only for 30 minutes, where you are free and can express yourself. You get to say or do anything you want and no one is judging you, not even yourself. Spend time touching yourself and paying attention to how it feels, the unique sensation that you experience. Practice. It works!
Women often wonder if they’re doing it “right” or if they’re having the “right” kind of orgasm. When it comes to sexuality and body image in our society, there’s a strong push to do things in a certain way and a lack of real sex education. We learn about sex from TV and movies and that can be terribly inhibiting. Sex usually doesn’t play out like a movie scene. It’s messy and funny and passionate and awkward and lots of other things.
The possibilities are up to you and your body! Clitoral, vaginal, and G-spot orgasms are the types we usually think about, but some women can climax from breast stimulation and some women like anal play. Incorporating a vibrator or a dildo into masturbation can open up lots of possibilities, too. Here are a couple of links with more information about orgasms:
- Relax and create privacy - lock the bedroom door, wait until your roommate is gone, turn on music to cover the sound if you’re inhibited by thinking someone might overhear you.
- Let your mind wander.
- Check out erotica or porn (there are choices that are more friendly to women audiences featuring real bodies and plot-driven story lines).
- Wear something that makes you feel sexy.
- Adjust the lighting, take control over the environment and create a mood.
"The Art of the G-Spot", "Sexy Foreplay"... Please visit Toys in Babeland's website for a list of the upcoming workshops in NYC and Seattle
